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Ep. 42. The Tao of Fatherhood

Rafael and Jim take a deep dive into the subject of fatherhood—that is, after getting derailed on the subject of 49ers football. Why? Rafael was afraid of jinxing the team during the last episode. He refused to discuss the 49ers loss until this episode. Fortunately, your podcasters got on track again to discuss Fatherhood as promised. Not surprisingly, they even linked the subject to the 49ers somehow. They did so by imagining how they would console 49ers QB Brock Purdy after he got injured in his last playoff game (a loss). What would they say to console him if they could be his father for just one day? You cannot help but being moved by their heartfelt approach to this subject that clearly transcends sports.

Rafael and Jim regal their own experiences as sons, fathers, and shrinks and what they learned from it all. Also, what they still hope to learn. They discuss what goes into being a loving, competent, caring, curious, compassionate, and committed role model. Many men are adrift. Rafael & Jim share their own challenges and pitfalls. They discuss what their male clients are typically seeking help for. Some men are pushed by their spouses to be better fathers. Some push themselves. And others put too much pressure on themselves to be perfect …. to try to make up for their own miserable childhood experiences. Some fathers are absentee parents and can easily justify it. They won’t welcome any input and don’t see the ripple effect.

Rafael and Jim have seen it all as shrinks. The various attachment styles and approaches fathers take on is artfully deconstructed. Rafael and Jim believe that deep down inside most men really want to be good men, stellar parents, role models, and respected along the way. This issue of being respected as a father (and being respectful to children) is carefully weighed. How is it earned? Finally, the impact of narcissism being the nemesis to effective parenting is discussed.

This episode is for fathers and anyone who has had one.